}, GOSPELCHOPS.COM is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Your eye shall have no pity.". (Going to the bathroom!). Be glad in the Lord and rejoice ye righteous:shout for joy all ye that are upright in heart. From there Elisha went up to Bethel. Below, you will find some of the weirdest Bible verses ever translated. Like a gold ring in a pigs snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshihe drives like a maniac.. Get out of here, baldy! they said. One of the meaningful yet funny bible verses, tells us not to mess with a man of God. Cheese is delicious! 3. Mark 14:52 NIV: he fled naked, leaving his garment behind. One day the older daughter said to the younger, Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us childrenas is the custom all over the earth. Too Soon for Sunday School. The fire came from heaven, consumed the meat, the wood, the rocks and the water. That would certainly would be bad news for all the people whove dozed off during church. Now, the Word of God is nothing to laugh at, but some verses can make you chuckle. Of course, Baal did not come through for the priests but when Elijah stepped up to his altar he asked for it to be drenched in water 3 times. There is nothing that brings people closer together like humor. 1188 or Psalm 118 verse 8 is the middle verse of the entire Bible. There the LORD told him, Separate those who lap the water with their tongues as a dog laps from those who kneel down to drink.. Human walking speed is 2.5 miles/hour. Fantastic creations of birds to bugs, calling down fire from heaven and talking donkeys all give witness to Gods holy but real plan for the world. Unfortunately, many men know the feeling of wanting to rip their hair straight out of their heads the moment their partner starts going on about something. "I will accept no bull from your house." -Psalm 50:9. Enter a Verse Reference (e.g., John 3:16-17) Visit the Bible online to search for words if you don't know the specific passage your're looking for. Innumerable things have changed in the world since then. To paraphrase: Go find me someone who talks to dead people so I can ask for her advice. Now, I don't know about you, but most people tend to steer clear of these people lol! display: none !important; 45 Funny Christian Jokes 1. Golden hemorrhoids and ratswhat a nice gesture. Here is a quick reference list of Funny Bible Verses: Down below, you will find all the verses and which translation they go with. Now Joshua was old and advanced in years when the LORD said to him, You are old and advanced in years. If taken literally, the verse rips a hole in the idea of the inerrancy of the Bible. pre built n scale train layouts. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Dont be alarmed, he said. Before I go any further, I want to make sure that you understand that I take the Bible as a serious matter! timeout The donkey finally got tired of it and sat down between two walls because he could not turn side to side. Then he said to it,May you never bear fruit again!Immediately the tree withered. He wants us to love one another. All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken . Lets get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family linethrough our father.. His passion is to serve the global Church and bring people of diverse backgrounds together to learn & grow. I loved this! Esau said to Jacob, Let me eat some of that red stuff, for I am famished! (Therefore he was called Edom.). Thy neckisas a tower of ivory; thine eyeslikethe fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy noseisas the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus. Most people dont read the Bible as a joke book nor do they think of God as humorous. So lets begin with the beginning and see what we can find about Gods sense of humor. God created Platypuses, Yeti crabs, and Irrawaddy dolphins for example. Maybe hes just asleep!. This seems a little excessive, but I can think of a bald man or two to whom this would seem perfectly reasonable. Here are some of the funny Bible verses that made us chuckle: Then the Lord spoke to the fish, and it spit Jonah out onto the dry land.. Genesis 25:30 "He said to Jacob, "Let me gulp down some of that red stuff; I'm starving." Ecclesiastes 10:19 "A feast is made for laughter, wine makes life merry, and money is the answer for everything." 2 Kings 2:23-24 "From there Elisha went up to Bethel. God brought down a fire so powerful that even the soil was burned. Is Gods Sense of Humor the Same as Ours? This is one of those deep verses that make you chuckle at first, then gowait, they have a point. He invites the 450 priests of Baal and the 400 priests of Asherah to build an altar and lay a bull on it. Acts 2:15 CSB: For these people are not drunk, as you suppose, since its only nine in the morning. They were defeated, and as an insult, the Philistines took the ark and placed it in their temple at the feet of their god Dagon. God used this to explain to him that if he mourned the death of a plant, how much much more pain would God feel if He had to punish a whole city for their sins? 1 Peter 2:24 "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. Hi, welcome to my little piece of cyberspace! But Herbers wife, Jael, has a mind of her own, and she murders Sisera by driving a tent peg through his head. While humans were commissioned to rule over or to care for them it seems God expected us to find the duty pleasurable at least if not plain fun! Genesis 21:6 And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me. Having Wife Problems? })(120000); 18 Hilarious Bible Verses You Should Know (with context) 1. Funny Bible verses refer to stories and touches of humor that we can find when we dig into the Bible. Don't go anywhere near the door to her house. It must have looked comical. 12. Psalm 119, after Psalm 118 is the longest chapter in the Bible. OK, OK, the young man ended up being fine Paul brought him back to life. Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. An uplifting word from James: "Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom." (James 4:9) 5. If a mans testicles are crushed or his penis is cut off, he may not be admitted to the assembly of theLord. However, he finally did go but said he could only speak what God told him. Time limit is exhausted. But in all things, we must be able to find humor and laugh a little! Some of it is meant to be funny, while other verses are meant to be serious but also make us laugh. If you do go, kiss your reputation goodbye, And say hello to her husband." (5:8-9) "Your wife is a lovely deer, a sweet doe. Your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn ewes, which have come from washing. Jonah ran away, but God made him turn around. 11. The Song of Solomon is chock full of funny verses. They restored it but when they woke up the next morning, they found Dagon on its face again, but this time the head and the hands were broken. "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."- Philippians 4:13. Naw, lets use cheese instead. The Bible has a story about this too. Here are some of the most bizarre Bible verses that have ever been translated. Are there any funny scriptures I should include on this list? And there went forth a wind from the Lord, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were a day's journey on this side, and as it were a day's journey on the other side, round about the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth. "Stay the dickens away from her [someone else's wife]. But what about humor? Many Christians are familiarized with the many Bible verses that are highlighted at Sunday Mass. I would encourage you to look up some of these stories and verses. Ehud, another Israelite judge, goes to the King of the Moabites to pay annual tribute. Enjoy. 6 The Philistines and the Ark of the covenant ( 1 Samuel 5) My number one funniest Bible story is that of the Philistines and the Ark of Covenant. And moms with babies oh the poop stories they can tell! And is the founder of Think About Such Things. PACKER, AUTHOR OF KNOWING GOD "No modern rendering of the Bible has produced more clarity, authenticity, and maturity for this century's global movement of God's grace than The . A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip on a rainy day. "I have the right to do anything," you say - but not. He half-heartedly delivered the warning to Nineveh, but in a surprise twist, the people repented and God forgave them. The Lord gave us the Bible to learn from. Absolam got his hair caught in a tree. Jesus is everything we aim to be. Read our full disclosure here. and lusted after their lovers, whose sexual memberswere like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of stallions. Hes alive!. Proverbs 27:15 NIV: A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." Ogden Nash, American poet 3. The people believed and praised God. Proverbs and adages are used and many of them often go misunderstood, leaving room for loose interpretation. : r/Christianity. Did you not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese. Then theLordordered the fish to spit Jonah up on the beach, and it did. Its only nine in the morning!. Beginning with Genesis the Bible tells the stories of creation, the chosen people, kings, prophets, empires, devastation, restoration, messiah, followers, church and revelation. It would be cool to be able to talk to animals, but when a donkey talks to you out of nowhere, it can be quite surprising. So he cursed them in the name of the Lord, then two bears mauled them. These youth making fun of Elishas physical appearance might seem like one of the funny Bible verses to us, but if we are hurting other peoples feelings, or making them feel less of themselves, God would not find this funny. But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest. Free Holy Bible App, Message Bible (MSG) is the best Application to carry God's Word Have the Holy Bible at your fingertips anytime and anywhere you go. God is going to make something called a woman.". When we love one another, we always want to do what is best for them. What did Jonah's family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? 4. "Throw the first stone." - John 8:7. Saul had previously tried to kill off everyone who spoke to the dead, so he goes to the witch in disguise. Please reload CAPTCHA. God let Balaam do what he wantsat first. The absurdity of their sinful choices and behavior can be rather funny and Jesus often used irony and sarcasm to reveal their folly. But, words can be damaging as well. In the beginning, according to the New Testament of the Bible, the entire world that God had made all spoke the same language. Which of these funny bible verses was your favorite? Bible characters have names that sound weird to us today. Proverbs 21:9 seems to be the ultimate nod in the direction of the husband who has to put up with a constant nagging and bickering spouse. The challenge was to call down fire from heaven to burn the sacrifice. Power struggle and when the greatest was with them, Jesus! Lyz Lenz is currently the managing editor of the Rumpus. Your vision and way of life have been a great inspiration to us and we would never be grateful enough for having you in our lives. In Proverbs, King Solomon advises us to have a merry heart. Wise people know to be quiet. Just in case you missed itJoshua was old and advanced in years. Related: 19 Encouraging Verses for a Troubled Marriage. We recently asked the HuffPost community to share the funniest thing their kid said that week, and we got some great responses. }, Apparently, God tries to kill Moses, but Zipporah stops him by circumcising her son with a sharp rock (ouch!) Birthday Verses For Husband. Easter Quotes for Church Bulletins . Welcome to the New NSCAA. Proverbs 17:12, Better to meet a grizzly robbed of her cubs than a fool hellbent on folly. So much fun! Proverbs 11:22 does not make fun of anyone. He is creative. Sometimes, God has to use the absurd to get our attention and to teach us. Every year Jesus parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. This verse and its manifold mysteries are a well of contention among Biblical scholars. Required fields are marked *. Please reload CAPTCHA. They, of course, know I am playing with them and find the verse funny. Joshua 13:1 NASB: NowJoshua was oldandadvanced in years when theLordsaid to him, You are oldandadvanced in years, Or that time that Jesus got mad at an olive tree. The proverbs are more like idioms. Funny Bible Verses Genesis 25:30 "He said to Jacob, "Let me gulp down some of that red stuff; I'm starving." Ecclesiastes 10:19 "A feast is made for laughter, wine makes life merry, and money is the answer for everything." 2 Kings 2:23-24 "From there Elisha went up to Bethel. Second only to being grounded in God's Word, the key to a long and happy marriage is the ability to laugh together and at each other! Don't miss it!" J.I. On the day theLordgave the Amoritesover to Israel, Joshua said to theLordin the presence of Israel: Sun, stand still over Gibeon, and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon. So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself onits enemies, as it is written in the Book of Jashar..

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